University of Alabama Football Report for 10/20/12: where are they now edition

Erik Ainge is a piece of shit.

Roll Tide.

University of Alabama Football Report for 10/12/12

Compromise is essential to building a successful life. For example, in a perfect world, Beano Cook would be bludgeoned to death with both of Ron Powlus's Heismans. Alas, we live in a compromised world, where Powlus is a punchline, Maryland fell far short of the national championship, and Cook is mundanely, mortally, and mulishly dead.

Cook will be remembered (which is in itself a marvel today)

University of Alabama Football Report for 9/28/12

“Living on the road, my friend, was gonna keep you free and clean…”
--Townes Van Zandt, “Pancho and Lefty”

Anyone who’s spent time on the road knows that Townes was full of shit. Life on the road metes out its tortures at a high price and with ever increasing filth. An unapologetic panorama of rude people, ugly buildings, and ruinous food.

Companions make it not one bit easier. The road is

University of Alabama Football Report for 9/15/12 is a game time decision

Were I a betting man (ah ha ha ha), Tyler Wilson won't be taking the field today. Were I an athletic director, I'd fire a coach who'd even consider it. Especially against Alabama's front seven, who are hellbenders for the denizens of the backfield.

In many ways, it's too bad John L. Smith is already fired, hired to be fired, really. He's an almost too perfect fit for Arkansas football. Living on

University of Alabama Football Report for 9/07/12

“A thousand tickets? I’ll buy them and give them away. We can’t sell out with all the games we’ve won?”--Alabama head football coach Nick Saban
If I were a carpenter and you were a lady, then we'd likely not be speaking like this. But here we both are, so let's cut to the chase.

I've never been good at the whole "teaching lessons" thing, mainly, I think, because I associate it with having,

University of Alabama Football Report for 8/31/12

"I don't know why all this shit about wanting to hear about the football all the time..."from Infinite Jest

It's hard to comprehend for the old-timers. Why a team from Alabama would want to play a team from Michigan in Texas. And not just any Texas either, but Dallas, Texas. Maybe the most Texasy part of Texas.

To tell them that doing so is for the benefit of sportswriters in New York and high

University of Alabama Football Report for 7/22/12: SEC Media Days Hangover Edition

If you were to wander into Birmingham's Avondale Brewery the other night and stumble upon the SEC Media Days' de facto after party, no one would blame you for thinking you'd hit the snooze button on your Zombie Apocalypse Alarm Clock.

However, the slow-moving, slack-faced, murmuring herd sloshing shoulder-to-shoulder from bar to bathroom aren't, technically, the undead. They're what's left of