University of Alabama Football Report for 8/31/12

"I don't know why all this shit about wanting to hear about the football all the time..."from Infinite Jest

It's hard to comprehend for the old-timers. Why a team from Alabama would want to play a team from Michigan in Texas. And not just any Texas either, but Dallas, Texas. Maybe the most Texasy part of Texas.

To tell them that doing so is for the benefit of sportswriters in New York and high

University of Alabama Football Report for 7/22/12: SEC Media Days Hangover Edition

If you were to wander into Birmingham's Avondale Brewery the other night and stumble upon the SEC Media Days' de facto after party, no one would blame you for thinking you'd hit the snooze button on your Zombie Apocalypse Alarm Clock.

However, the slow-moving, slack-faced, murmuring herd sloshing shoulder-to-shoulder from bar to bathroom aren't, technically, the undead. They're what's left of

University of Alabama Football Report for 5/04/2012

 


List of things MCA destroys in the "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)" video, in order:



Beer can 
Popular Mechanics magazine 
Framed wall art 
Pie 
Acoustic guitar 
White button-down 
Dog's self-esteem 
Television 



 Roll Tide.

University of Alabama Football Report for 4/13/12: A-Day Preview

Six years running into the present regime, no one questions the normalcy of our lunacy, or vice versa. With another capacity crowd expected at Alabama’s open scrimmage tomorrow, the only news is that it’s not news. It’s a relativist’s paradise, or nightmare. Who can tell?

Maybe Michael Robbins, whose greatly anticipated collection of poems (yes, such a thing), Alien vs. Predator, was released

University of Alabama Football Report for 1/09/12: National Championship Edition

There are no second acts in American lives.
--F. Scott Fitzgerald

This game's not about me. . . . It doesn't define who I am as a person.
--Nick Saban

Even the most ardent Alabama supporter has to feel a little bad for LSU. How many times do they have to beat Alabama? Wasn't the first time difficult enough? But second chances being such a rare commodity these days, it would be impolite to

University of Alabama Football Report for 12/30/11

People have dreams all the time. It don't mean nothin.
--Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing
He forever dreamed of funerals.

Never death. There is a difference.

He dreamed he walked the aisle to see Hank Williams lie in repose. A Cadillacwide pearlwhite casket with a black lead sheet inlay along the length denoting the melody of "Ramblin' Man." Inside, the man himself. Pale. His dermis thin like

University of Alabama Football Report for 12/09/11

Trent Richardson is in New York City to watch a Baptist quarterback win the Heisman, not that that's the worst thing in the world. Ask Oklahoma State. Or better yet, don't. They will likely need some time to calm down.

Some may look at the current national championship match up and think the system is broken. However, and this may not make you feel any better, it's not that the system is broken;